Phillippians 4:13

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.", Philippians 4:13

I have always loved this verse and considered it one of my top 3 bible passages (up there with Jeremiah 20:9 and 1 Corinthians 13:4), but in the last year or so, I have been turning to it more and more.

I have never really thought of myself as a strong person. I've always been one to play it safe and had a tendency to avoid the unknown. And then I married Matt and had Shaun. I can't help but think that God has a sense of humor, pairing me with these two boys and giving me these two challenging roles! Being a military wife and a mother to a special needs child has pushed me far beyond my comfort zone. In the past several months, I have accomplished so many things that I never dreamed possible. There have been many times during this deployment, and even before that when Matt was doing training and never home, where I didn't know if I could go on. And so many times when I felt so helpless to do anything for Shaun during his bad moments that I wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball and cry my eyes out. I won't lie and say I hold it together all the time. I have my sad moments, I think anyone in either or both of these situations who says otherwise is probably not being honest with themselves. But after all that is done I have to remind myself that I am not alone in this and God will never give me more than I can handle, and he obviously knows better than me what it is I can handle.

I can manage a household on my own. I can handle meltdowns and IEP meetings and all of those fun things that come with raising an autistic child. I can face my anxiety of driving (to an extent, this is still something I struggle with and am working on!) I can travel cross country alone with a 3 year old, and live to tell about it. I can mow the lawn (as I found out today). I can sacrifice my own wants in order to do what is best for my child. I may not WANT to do all these things, I would of course prefer if my husband never had to leave and Shaun never had any struggles, but the point is that I CAN do these things, through the power of prayer and having God on my side. Without him, I would never have made it this far and for that I give thanks everyday.